i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
