Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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