hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
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