Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
