dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
