Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
