Did you just see the Batmobile???
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
