Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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