So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
