I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
