Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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