Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
So. Much. Porn.
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