Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Life is so much better after having sex.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
