There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
