My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
