I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I skipped work to stalk him.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
