You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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