my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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