she looked like the before picture.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
