i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
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