Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
