I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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