Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize