just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
