From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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