His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
