After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
