Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I need to sanitize my soul.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
