Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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