She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
