The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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