You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
