i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
