Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
