Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
