that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
