Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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