Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
