This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
