she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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