For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
That reminds me...we need to get swords
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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