I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You're a waste of cheezeits
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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