I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
