I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
