mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
