I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
