Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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