Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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