Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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