I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize