I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
