I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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