This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
So apparently I’m into choking now
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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