He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
