Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
