You work out of a Hotel?
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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