sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Are my feet made of real feet?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
