the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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