When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
