I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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