As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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