I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
