She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
