he shaved USA in his pubs
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
