Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
