Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
