I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
