I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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