ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
